ONGOING MISSION

Exercising with the people who have the place in my heart; my friends was really fun! We jogged, played badminton and rope skipping together. It was a lot of fun. I know if I am reading this post when I am older I'll be wondering who they are. So, in order to keep a vivid memory of the moment I am going to list every single one who joins the weight loss mission where I am the trainer. Well, I am not a real trainer as I don't have the qualifications. The only reason they assigned me as the trainer is simple, because I am thin. Haha. What kind of qualification is that? It’s a very peculiar reason to qualify me as a trainer. Okay, back to where we were; listing the people that I love who joins the mission apart from my whole family which obviously live in my heart since i know the meaning of love.

There are a total of eight people including me. Hehe. Two of them proposed the idea to me and of course I'll gladly accept the idea as I love exercising. 

They are Nurul Iffah binti Mohd and Nur Amalina binti Zaki. We started the first and second day of the mission with three people as the rest is busy plus lazy I think. Haha. Actually the next day of the first day we have the CTU examination (What kind of sentence is this? Keling! Bear with me. Haha) Well, for your information, we are now in the final examination month. The last day of the examination will be on 17th January 2016. About 19 days left to receive our freedom back.

On the third day, almost all of us join the mission.  

New members of the third day:
Nik Nur Hakimah binti Nik Abdullah
Nur Dinie binti Abdul Rahman
Nurul Nadia binti Zahari
Nurul Fatihah binti Jasmin

Actually, these new members are not trying to lose weight but they just want to exercise together with us, showing their support in this mission. Haha.

If you are counting, you’ll realize that something is off. The listed names are 6 + me = 7 people. There’s someone missing and she is Siti Nur Alia binti Abdul Hashim. I don’t know whether she’s not interested in exercising or it’s because of that big incident which happened recently**. Then, why did I include her in this post? It’s because my mission is to make her join us to exercise someday by hook or by crook. Haha.

It’s not like I want to force everyone to exercise with me just because I love exercising. I just love to do everything together. The togetherness is what I seek. When you share your interest with your friends, it will be a lot more fun as the saying goes, the more the merrier. I know that there are people who don’t like to exercise and I somehow have to respect their decision. Even though half of my heart disagree with that type of people because I will be like “Don’t they know the BENEFITS of exercising? It’s great for your health, people!”

Well, thanks to all of them, I was able to exercise joyously. I love them so much. (A very romantic side of me is revealed here which is why I didn’t tell any of my friends about this blog. Maybe, I did in the past to my friends in schools but I’m sure this blog is forgotten already as I rarely write back then).  

Ya Allah, Engkau mengetahui bahawa hati-hati ini telah berkumpul kerana mengasihiMu, bertemu untuk mematuhi (perintahMu), bersatu untuk memikul beban dakwahMu. Hati-hati ini telah mengikat janji setia mendaulat dan menyokong syariatMu. Maka eratkanlah ikantannya ya Allah. Kekalkanlah kemesraan antara hati-hati ini. Tunjukkanlah kepada hati-hati ini dengan limpahan iman/keyakinan dan keindahan tawakkal kepadaMu. Hidup suburkanlah hati-hati ini dengan pengetahuan sebenar tentangMu. Jika Engkau mentakdirkan mati maka matikanlah pemilik hati-hati ini sebagai para syuhada dalam perjuangan agamaMu. Engkaulah sebaik-baik sandaran dan sebaik-baik penolong. Ya Allah, perkenankanlah permintaan ini. Ya Allah, restuilah dan sejahterakanlah junjungan kami (Nabi) Muhammad SAW, keluarga dan para sahabat semuanya. Amin.

**My heart and mind are still battling whether I should share that incident story or not. If there’s a post on that incident, it means that my mind is listening to my heart. Haha.

AS THE HIDDEN SHOWN

I just wanna share something that might answer the questions that were playing in my friends mind. Yesterday, I have a very gloomy expression and I am incapable of making it bright as I usually am. Actually, I am disappointed in myself at that time because I overslept. Waking up late was really turning my mood down. I am not mad at my friends. Not AT ALL!!! I am REALLY MAD at myself that I feel like crying. The problem is, I don’t have any time alone that morning so I couldn’t cry my heart out as I have a class party to attend. I am holding everything in but I couldn’t manage my expression that well and my friends were asking me why I am different that day. They said I am not bright as always. I wanna tell them why but I know if I let it out my tears will follow. I just kept quiet. However, a friend of mine which was sitting beside me keep asking me why and it’s bothering me so I wrote a message to her using my phone, guessing that I won’t be crying that way. To my shock, after passing my-message-typed-phone to her my tears were rushing to come out. I don’t want anyone to see me that way because I am not sad because of them but because of MYSELF. So I hurriedly left the class to the toilet just beside it and my tears were running down my cheeks without a stop. I am scared that anyone of my friends will find me in that toilet so I decided to take the stairs and calm myself down after praying Dhuha in the surau. As I am bad with direction, I lost my way to the surau. Hahaha. And because of that, she found me on my right path to the surau. I couldn’t hide any longer and she persisted on staying with me in that surau. After I had calm down as my anger was disappearing along with the tears I shed, then I returned to my normal self. Well, that’s me. Whenever I am mad or sad or have any unpleasant feeling I will cry. After all the crying I can be normal again. If I hold in the tears, I will be a little bit gloomy. I never hold it in before and it answers everything.

UNEXPECTED GOOD LEAP

It's literally considered as a good leap. However, to me it's a scary good leap. I'm scared that after the leap I'm going to land onto a lower place than before I made that leap. It will hurt so much if that happens. I wish that I can keep leaping, soaring upwards to the never ending sky. Will that become a reality? It's up to me right? The decision is in my hand. Wherever I want to land, I have to work hard for it. It's my new determination. Oh! How I wish this come to me sooner. U just showed up when I can already sense the smell of final which is just around the corner. It's silhouette is clearly seen even by my naked eyes(I mean without my spectacles as I am a specky) and it starts to haunt me. Luckily it's not that late. I still have time. I need to use it wisely from now on. I can do it! Fighting!  

UNWITTINGLY MOOD SWAY

TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYY......................???????????? (T_T).. isk3..

Why am I like this?
This is not me. I can hardly recognize my own self these days. My super-sensitivity, super-curiosity inconsiderate and super-annoying self are killing me. It is eating me inside out. It feels weird having this peculiar curios mind and all this emotions mixed together which made me a malicious or malign or malevolent or mean or evil person. Back then, I've had always being the pleasant type; hail-fellow-well-met kind of person.(self-praise?Haha)
Okay..this is a serious heart pouring session so I need to be serious.
Emmm...can I go back to my old self? I miss her...A LOT..
Come back to me. (It's REALLLY weird right..  )

You know what? Actually I hate doing anything at all, alone. I can't bear a loneliness even if it is for a short while. I love doing things in group or 'berjemaah' as loneliness might kill me. I am capable of doing things alone but I hate it. I want to share everything with someone, just a single understanding person is enough for me. (but you know, the more the merrier!).  Listening to all my nonsense and gibberish talk and accompanying me every time I need her pleasurably not forcefully. Just like the friends-in-school.

Perhaps this bad side of me has made its appearance because I want to seek attention? I've never being away from home for a very long time and now I had to stay here in the hostel. Being with my family, I can feel their purest love even they rarely say it. Well, action speaks louder than words. There is overflowing of love, attention and cares from them. I know I shouldn't expect the exactly same thing to happen here. Because friends are not family. But you know what, actually I regard them as part of my family. I truly mean it. Which is why I have a high expectation on them and I tend to feel very frustrated if they turn down my invitation to go somewhere or to do something. I know I can hide my emotions very well. I can say it's okay I can go there alone. I'm crying in discreet so that no one knows. I told you, I cried rather easily. After all the crying, I can pretend to be normal again. It's very rare for me to be sulky i.e not talking to someone who let me down.

I know I am bad at heart-to-heart kind of talk. Like Dr.Fadzillah Kamsah said that someone born on the month of February is hard to show their real emotions. What I feel inside my heart, I can't easily let it out. Dr. Fadzillah had advised February born baby to learn how to show their emotions. I am in the process of learning. Writing this post is my first baby step that I've taken in order to do that. (The problem is, I didn't tell my friends about this blog yet so my feet is still in the air waiting to be dropped as a first step. )[a pun out of nowhere]

I don't really know what's inside their heads. All their actions and responses either they love it or hate it, sometimes, I DON'T have any clue. I am not a 'nujum pak belalang' that can guess everything. I am just a mere pathetic girl who loves to call herself a queen. At times, I wish I have a superpower like Lee Jong Suk have in I Hear Your Voice. So that I know who are annoyed with me and who are pleased being with me.

Walking down the usual path
In the middle of the rain
It's also raining inside of me
As the path is travelled alone
I wonder why
There is no one who want to be
Together with me
Even if it's a good place
It's called a Paradise garden
I won't miss it unless I had to
Hoping that someone will say I want
It's really hurt when there's none
The hot water flowing
I can't stop it
Cheeks are the only witness


SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE GIRL I HAVE BECOME!

FORCEFULLY GLUED TOGETHER

MY HEART PIECE

It's the last night I'll be sleeping peacefully in my comfy bed.
I should've gone to sleep in order to be with my bed longer.
However, this two eyes of mine refuse to stay closed.
So, I get up..turning on my laptop and here I am..
Letting my feeling out by pressing the keyboards.

I don't wanna go back to UiTM
Going back means i have to leave everything that i love.
But I have to..
Because of their hope..
N because of their love..

I can stand on my feet and step outside the house reluctantly again, tomorrow night..
Leaving my footprints,,
together with more than half of my heart..behind..

I know it is not just me who felt like this..
This is because,,
-THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME-
엄마 아 빠,,
난 당신이 모두 자랑스럽게 만들 것입니다. 나는 당신의 얼굴에 미소를 넣어 것입니다. 당신의 행복은 나의 목표이다.
   

THOUSANDS OF THINGS TO DO BUT I CHOOSE TO DO NOTHING!

It's not like it's completely nothing, it means something to me. Something that I really love to do even if I were told not to do it millions of time by those who don't want me to be wasting my precious time. What is that something? Haha It is something which is not a big thing but it makes me think that I am something. I am just vomiting everything that are spinning inside my mind. So sorry for making your head to spin too.
Almost all of my friends are studying as i write because we actually have an upcoming test after the mid semester break. Why am I so lazy to do so? Maybe because my mind is already flying to my home sweet home. Even last night I had a full-of-sugar dream that I am with my beloved family at home. Hehe..

#due to the time restriction i have to go..so goodbye for now!i had so much in my head but i guess i will get them out next time.. jalga~~

LIFE STORY NOT LOVE STORY OKAY!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
(In the name of Allah the Gracious, the Merciful)
 

Live a life with no regrets
You know you gotta love it life
Love your life
How could you feel blue
When the world is made for you
Life life life is beautiful
Love your life

One of my all time favourite songs. Actually at first I didn't even bother about that song because I was forced to hear it everytime there was a commercial break on Diva universal channel or back them it was called Hallmark channel. As I heard it repeatedly it automatically sneak into my memory.
After a while, that song didn't come out anymore on that channel, I sang the song unwittingly and felt motivated by the lyrics. So I felt obligated to share it with the world.( HAHAHA..World la sangat!)

Life is short. We should use the time wisely and enjoy the present by keeping your past as a memory. Everyone has a past. Whether it is beautiful, ugly, shameful,happy,sad or all of them blended together you should frame it nicely and make it as a reference. Turn your beautiful and happy past into memory, turn your ugly or sad past into a motivator. Believe in "what doesn't kill you make you stronger"!

"A flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all"

                                                                        [Mulan (1998) a Walt Disney animation series]

Human and mistake are best friend. They cannot be separated. We do make mistakes be them intentionally or unintentionally. We will be successful if we learn from our own mistakes. (Well,,I am working on it too. Hehe) It is easier said than done right? As sometimes we didn't even aware of our mistakes. But then,at time like this is when we see the importance of those who criticize. Reflect on those critics you heard. Whether it is only harsh word from envious people or it is your unwitting mistake, you decide!

Life must go on. Learn from your past, enjoy and value the present, plan your future!