UNWITTINGLY MOOD SWAY

TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYY......................???????????? (T_T).. isk3..

Why am I like this?
This is not me. I can hardly recognize my own self these days. My super-sensitivity, super-curiosity inconsiderate and super-annoying self are killing me. It is eating me inside out. It feels weird having this peculiar curios mind and all this emotions mixed together which made me a malicious or malign or malevolent or mean or evil person. Back then, I've had always being the pleasant type; hail-fellow-well-met kind of person.(self-praise?Haha)
Okay..this is a serious heart pouring session so I need to be serious.
Emmm...can I go back to my old self? I miss her...A LOT..
Come back to me. (It's REALLLY weird right..  )

You know what? Actually I hate doing anything at all, alone. I can't bear a loneliness even if it is for a short while. I love doing things in group or 'berjemaah' as loneliness might kill me. I am capable of doing things alone but I hate it. I want to share everything with someone, just a single understanding person is enough for me. (but you know, the more the merrier!).  Listening to all my nonsense and gibberish talk and accompanying me every time I need her pleasurably not forcefully. Just like the friends-in-school.

Perhaps this bad side of me has made its appearance because I want to seek attention? I've never being away from home for a very long time and now I had to stay here in the hostel. Being with my family, I can feel their purest love even they rarely say it. Well, action speaks louder than words. There is overflowing of love, attention and cares from them. I know I shouldn't expect the exactly same thing to happen here. Because friends are not family. But you know what, actually I regard them as part of my family. I truly mean it. Which is why I have a high expectation on them and I tend to feel very frustrated if they turn down my invitation to go somewhere or to do something. I know I can hide my emotions very well. I can say it's okay I can go there alone. I'm crying in discreet so that no one knows. I told you, I cried rather easily. After all the crying, I can pretend to be normal again. It's very rare for me to be sulky i.e not talking to someone who let me down.

I know I am bad at heart-to-heart kind of talk. Like Dr.Fadzillah Kamsah said that someone born on the month of February is hard to show their real emotions. What I feel inside my heart, I can't easily let it out. Dr. Fadzillah had advised February born baby to learn how to show their emotions. I am in the process of learning. Writing this post is my first baby step that I've taken in order to do that. (The problem is, I didn't tell my friends about this blog yet so my feet is still in the air waiting to be dropped as a first step. )[a pun out of nowhere]

I don't really know what's inside their heads. All their actions and responses either they love it or hate it, sometimes, I DON'T have any clue. I am not a 'nujum pak belalang' that can guess everything. I am just a mere pathetic girl who loves to call herself a queen. At times, I wish I have a superpower like Lee Jong Suk have in I Hear Your Voice. So that I know who are annoyed with me and who are pleased being with me.

Walking down the usual path
In the middle of the rain
It's also raining inside of me
As the path is travelled alone
I wonder why
There is no one who want to be
Together with me
Even if it's a good place
It's called a Paradise garden
I won't miss it unless I had to
Hoping that someone will say I want
It's really hurt when there's none
The hot water flowing
I can't stop it
Cheeks are the only witness


SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE GIRL I HAVE BECOME!