UNWITTINGLY MOOD SWAY

TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYY......................???????????? (T_T).. isk3..

Why am I like this?
This is not me. I can hardly recognize my own self these days. My super-sensitivity, super-curiosity inconsiderate and super-annoying self are killing me. It is eating me inside out. It feels weird having this peculiar curios mind and all this emotions mixed together which made me a malicious or malign or malevolent or mean or evil person. Back then, I've had always being the pleasant type; hail-fellow-well-met kind of person.(self-praise?Haha)
Okay..this is a serious heart pouring session so I need to be serious.
Emmm...can I go back to my old self? I miss her...A LOT..
Come back to me. (It's REALLLY weird right..  )

You know what? Actually I hate doing anything at all, alone. I can't bear a loneliness even if it is for a short while. I love doing things in group or 'berjemaah' as loneliness might kill me. I am capable of doing things alone but I hate it. I want to share everything with someone, just a single understanding person is enough for me. (but you know, the more the merrier!).  Listening to all my nonsense and gibberish talk and accompanying me every time I need her pleasurably not forcefully. Just like the friends-in-school.

Perhaps this bad side of me has made its appearance because I want to seek attention? I've never being away from home for a very long time and now I had to stay here in the hostel. Being with my family, I can feel their purest love even they rarely say it. Well, action speaks louder than words. There is overflowing of love, attention and cares from them. I know I shouldn't expect the exactly same thing to happen here. Because friends are not family. But you know what, actually I regard them as part of my family. I truly mean it. Which is why I have a high expectation on them and I tend to feel very frustrated if they turn down my invitation to go somewhere or to do something. I know I can hide my emotions very well. I can say it's okay I can go there alone. I'm crying in discreet so that no one knows. I told you, I cried rather easily. After all the crying, I can pretend to be normal again. It's very rare for me to be sulky i.e not talking to someone who let me down.

I know I am bad at heart-to-heart kind of talk. Like Dr.Fadzillah Kamsah said that someone born on the month of February is hard to show their real emotions. What I feel inside my heart, I can't easily let it out. Dr. Fadzillah had advised February born baby to learn how to show their emotions. I am in the process of learning. Writing this post is my first baby step that I've taken in order to do that. (The problem is, I didn't tell my friends about this blog yet so my feet is still in the air waiting to be dropped as a first step. )[a pun out of nowhere]

I don't really know what's inside their heads. All their actions and responses either they love it or hate it, sometimes, I DON'T have any clue. I am not a 'nujum pak belalang' that can guess everything. I am just a mere pathetic girl who loves to call herself a queen. At times, I wish I have a superpower like Lee Jong Suk have in I Hear Your Voice. So that I know who are annoyed with me and who are pleased being with me.

Walking down the usual path
In the middle of the rain
It's also raining inside of me
As the path is travelled alone
I wonder why
There is no one who want to be
Together with me
Even if it's a good place
It's called a Paradise garden
I won't miss it unless I had to
Hoping that someone will say I want
It's really hurt when there's none
The hot water flowing
I can't stop it
Cheeks are the only witness


SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE GIRL I HAVE BECOME!

FORCEFULLY GLUED TOGETHER

MY HEART PIECE

It's the last night I'll be sleeping peacefully in my comfy bed.
I should've gone to sleep in order to be with my bed longer.
However, this two eyes of mine refuse to stay closed.
So, I get up..turning on my laptop and here I am..
Letting my feeling out by pressing the keyboards.

I don't wanna go back to UiTM
Going back means i have to leave everything that i love.
But I have to..
Because of their hope..
N because of their love..

I can stand on my feet and step outside the house reluctantly again, tomorrow night..
Leaving my footprints,,
together with more than half of my heart..behind..

I know it is not just me who felt like this..
This is because,,
-THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME-
엄마 아 빠,,
난 당신이 모두 자랑스럽게 만들 것입니다. 나는 당신의 얼굴에 미소를 넣어 것입니다. 당신의 행복은 나의 목표이다.
   

THOUSANDS OF THINGS TO DO BUT I CHOOSE TO DO NOTHING!

It's not like it's completely nothing, it means something to me. Something that I really love to do even if I were told not to do it millions of time by those who don't want me to be wasting my precious time. What is that something? Haha It is something which is not a big thing but it makes me think that I am something. I am just vomiting everything that are spinning inside my mind. So sorry for making your head to spin too.
Almost all of my friends are studying as i write because we actually have an upcoming test after the mid semester break. Why am I so lazy to do so? Maybe because my mind is already flying to my home sweet home. Even last night I had a full-of-sugar dream that I am with my beloved family at home. Hehe..

#due to the time restriction i have to go..so goodbye for now!i had so much in my head but i guess i will get them out next time.. jalga~~