That Painful Feeling

That Painful Feeling


My little sister was admitted to the HKL on 3rd October 2017. Before going to the hospital, we already went to the family clinic near our house for two times, but she didn't shows any signs of recovery. Instead, her condition just got worsen. Her fever and diarrhea lasted for 5 days already which is why she got admitted into Emergency ward right away when she was brought to the hospital.

The very next day, on 4th October 2017, I got a bad news from my sisters saying that my little sister need a surgery as the doctors were not sure what she was suffering from. The doctors said that there were three possibilities, whether her appendix had burst or her stomach had any problems or her intestines had holes as it got infected by bacteria. To my shock, they said that it will be a major surgery. Upon hearing that, all four of us, including her, did not agree to the doctors suggestion.

However, one of the senior doctor, the one that will perform the surgery on my little sister had convinced us that he is 99.9% sure that they will find something wrong if they perform the surgery. He told us that the needs to be done in an instant as my little sister life is in danger. It is because her blood pressure has dropped to 77/31. He said that if an old lady has a bp that low, she will be very ill, probably an inch from death. My sister was lucky as she is still young and strong which is why she's still standing. He also said that the later the surgery is performed, her condition will got worse.

Upon hearing that, we felt horrified. With only three of us there, we were completely clueless and can't reach to a decision. Our parent were far away and can only be at the hospital on the next day. However, the doctors had stressed that it'll be a bad decision to wait for their arrival, they need us to give our consent to start operating her right away as the Operating Theatre is free at that time. So, we called our parent once again and told them what has been told by the doctors. It was maybe our 7th phone call to them on that day. But still, we can't reach to a decision. The doctors keep coming to us and asking for the permission to operate my little sister.

Then, I gave a suggestion to my sister to let the head of the surgery team to talk to our father through the phone. Finally, my dad was convinced and gave his permission to the doctors to operate my sister. I don't how to describe our feeling on that time. Agreeing to the doctors mean that we will put our little sister life in danger. I can't hold it in anymore. Tears ran down my cheek automatically. I tried my best to hide it in front of my little sister but I guessed it shows as my eldest sister silently reprimanded me to control myself, not to cry in front of my little sister. It was because we need to give her strength so that she will feel less scared. But I am scared, I love my little sister so much that I can't stand watching her suffer. I wish I can take her place.

As I got reprimanded by my eldest sister, I tried harder to hide my emotions. I bit my lips to control my emotions and to stop my tears from dropping. However, my effort was in vain upon seeing the teary eyes of my second sister which has just got back from the toilet. I can't stop crying. So I decided to hide behind the curtain and started to revert my attention to something else in order to stop my tears.

As the operation team is all set, they push my sister's bed to the operation theatre and we followed really close. As soon as they went into the operation room, all three of us automatically started to cry our heart out while praying for her safety.

My family arrived at the hospital right after my little sister got into the OT. They waited at the wards where my little sister was before as they don't know where the OT is.

We barely had any sleep that night. The surgery finished at 4am if I am not mistaken. She went into the OT at 7.30pm. Alhamdulillah, the surgery went well, but my sister need to be monitored in the ICU for a while until she's stable. After few days she was transferred to normal wards.

After the surgery, the doctor found out that there's nothing wrong with my sister's internal organ as they suggest before the surgery. It turned out to be Leptospirosis. It was a negative laparatomy. My elder sisters and I were very angry at the doctors after the surgery because they are so unprofessional. How can they be so coward and explain nothing to us after the surgery has ended? We were very clueless and had asked the nurse everytime they do daily checkups for my sister. However, all the nurse seems to be hesitating and only some of them honestly told us the real story. Upon hearing the story, my second sister got really angry and suddenly yell out loud her thoughts so that the doctor heard them. Everyone was shocked and silence started to fill up the room. The funny thing is, no one dare to make us leave the room even after the visiting time is over.

Yeah, we know that doctors are human and can only guess the patient sickness based on the symptoms. However, if they are wrong, at least, explain and apologize so that we understand stop worrying. Not running away from us and left us feeling clueless and worried. At last, one of us had exploded because of that. Be profesional and face the patient family please. Don't keep them waiting while worrying.

Maybe some of the families will be angry at you when you are wrong but I think it is your responsibility to explain. Their anger is just temporary and maybe just because they can't believe the fact they are hearing. Just explain that you are not God and can't do anything against the God wills. If they still mad at you, then you can run away from them at that time as you did what you were supposed to do. Okay, that's that.

Alhamdulillah, my sister has recovered. Even it is not a full recovery yet since she said it is still painful at some point of the surgery scars. As it is a major surgery involving more than 12cm cut, it will take a long time to fully recover. It is already the month of April so it has been 5 months since the surgery. Her taboo period or abstinence period is over long ago, but my mom still forbid her to drink ice water or cold water. She will have a sip of our cold water at times and have a debate with my mother saying that the water will be warmed inside the stomach. Haha. She will also eat the ice cream that she put inside hot water. Melted ice cream or warm ice cream I called it. I don't know how it taste as I've never give it a try.

الحمدلله ثم الحمدلله ثم الحمدلله..
I hope that this test will make us closer to Him.